lower back

Hey guys,

I’m hoping to get some pics up soon (especially since I got an awesome new bluetooth clicker thing that enables my iPhone to snap photos from across the room, holla!), but basically, I’ve started taking flexibility classes at B&P that have been GAME CHANGING.

I know, I know, I was all “lol I can stretch at home, why would I pay for this” too, but trust me: the prompts that you will receive from a good teacher in these classes are everything. Here’s a few key, simple things I’ve learned so far that have my flexibility game on serious fleek.

(Accompanied by pictures I stole from the internet for explanation purposes)

1. In back bends: think of opening your chest, NOT about crunching your back

Not only did this make back bendy stuff feel so much safer and more comfortable, focusing on opening my chest and getting it up and over my back activated all the muscles in my upper back–which are what make that nice, rounded, SAFE (have I said safe enough yet?) shape in a backbend instead of that “hinged at the lower back” look.

2. In hamstring stretches: pop your booty out and arch your back

This creates that nice burn of opposition, making the stretch so much deeper and more effective, while keeping it totally in your control.

3. In lunge stretches: think 360

lunge side bend a — Photos: https://elsieyogakula.wordpress.com

lunge back bend arms down — Photo: http://www.twofitmoms.com

It’s easy to just cycle between lunges and hamstring stretches, but if you’re struggling with splits, hitting those hip flexors from new angles may be just the thing to get you into deeper territory.

A few things to try:

-Back bends in a deep lunge stretch (just make sure you’re squared off to get the most out of it). And try arm circles: sweep into them with one arm at a time, up and over, front to back, side to side.

-Pushing the inside of the front knee away in a deep lunge stretch (so that your knee opens and the weight shifts to the outer edge of your front foot). Turn away from the front leg for a little added opposition.

-In a bent over hamstring stretch (one leg straight in front, the other kneeling): turn the front leg out from the hip (so that the pinky toe is closest to the ground), and turn your body to face it, planting hands on the outside of your extended leg as you lower your torso to meet it. (You can allow your kneeling leg to pivet into a “knees together” position). You should feel a deep stretch in the inner thigh.

Do you guys have any flexy tricks up your sleeves? I’ve honestly made so much progress in my back in a few months that I think I’m going to attempt a crescent again! (For the first time since failing at it and swearing off it forever 2 years ago).

And huge shoutout to Emily Sanderson at B&P who teaches flex and is fabulous. Just saying.

XOXO

Warning: UNPOPULAR OPINION AHEAD.

I know you guys love your yoga. That’s okay. But yoga is kind of like pumpkin spice lattes: everybody loves yoga.

So I feel no guilt in proclaiming my hatred for it. Like Starbucks and Lululemon, it’s not going anywhere anytime soon, so my little opinion is free to exist in the blogosphere without doing much harm.

Here’s what happened (because you know there had to be extenuating circumstances for me to take a yoga class without there being a gun to my head): there was a gun held to my head.

JKKKKKKKK.

What happened was, I rode the subway an hour and a half (this was a Sunday, the R train was a nightmare) to the ballet class at my gym that I have taken every week for months, and when I walked up to the studio with my little bun and ballet slippers and water bottle, no one was there. THE CLASS WAS CANCELLED.

*shock, horror, general mayhem*

But even worse, this is not a one time thing. Ballet is just off the schedule. Forever. The class description isn’t even in the brochure anymore.

I. Was. Pissed.

I was also determined to not just get back on the subway to complete a 3 hour round trip on my motherfucking day off for nothing. So I checked the schedule for another class I could take.

The only option: yoga.

Fucking yoga.

And the class was an hour and a half.

So I mentally weighed some pros and cons of the situation.

Pro: this might be good for my back (which has been spasming like a motherfucker to the point where I had to stay home from work on Friday after a simple attempt at shaving my legs threw it out again).

Con: I hate yoga.

Pro: I was planning on stretching/flexibility work anyway…

Con: I fucking hate yoga.

Pro: It’s an hour and a half long class, which would nicely justify schlepping all the way out to Chelsea Piers.

Con: An hour and a half is a long time to be doing yoga, which I fucking hate.

Long story short, I decided to go for it. Some of it was okay–it hurt my back very badly during, but left me feeling much better on the way home–but most of it was annoying and just plain not for me.

Here were my pet peeves.

1. I got in trouble for pointing my toes

Like, okay, I get this. We’re supposed to relax, etc. But I can’t be in a shoulder stand for several minutes just looking at floppy ankles. Isn’t the whole point of this checking in with your body and being mindful of all of its parts? I tried flexing and turning out too, and the yogi called me out for that, too. RARRR. I’M BORED, AT LEAST LET ME WORK ON MY TOE AND TURNOUT GAME.

2. The breathing stuff made me a little sick

The expanding your abdomen stuff? Yeah, did not feel good. Especially when, as a belly dancer, I’ve been trained to use my chest and abdomen separately: breathing fills my chest but does not move it, or my belly, until I actively pop them. This has all been wired in my brain for eight years, so, it was both mentally AND physically very uncomfortable for me (it felt kind of gross and made me a little sick to my stomach).

3. The Ohming

This might have more to do with the fact that my instructor was an old white guy who sounded EXACTLY like the Catholic priest at my childhood church when he sang “amen.” Like, he sang it the same key and everything. Personal association, my bad.

4. The lying on the ground for an indeterminate amount of time

This is partly because I had to pee for the last 45 minutes of class, but ending like this was torturous. Okay, it was MOSTLY because I had to pee. Just as we were crossing the finish line (5:55, SO CLOSE), the silent meditation started. We were just lying there, forced to have our eyes closed, and I lost all concept of time. I could only think about how badly I had to pee. There was no indication of how long the lying in silence would last (maybe this class would run over 10 minutes, OH GOD), so I began to freak out that it was going to go on forever, and I would either have to pee myself or be the girl that got up in the middle of a silent meditation and yelled “I have to go to the bathroom!!” as she ran out.

And then I could never go to my gym ever again.

5. It’s so goddamn serious

I fell out of a couple of poses and cracked a smile, and every time, the instructor glared at me. What even is this? Also, people definitely audibly farted a few times and it was just so awkward to sit in perfect silence while it happened. Cannot take the solemnity, sorry.

Anyway, for all of my complaining I probably WILL go back, because I think it helped my back a little, and also because there was a hot guy in my class. I’m only human, people.

So how do you guys feel about yoga? Has anybody ever tried yoga pole? Because my friends just told me about it and I have a feeling it would be a vast improvement on this Hatha ish.

OH PS: new favorite pole jam. Kid Ink and Tinashe? Yes please.