I don’t know about you guys, but, I’m a toe dragger.
When I walk around a pole, I drag my big toe! This creates a sexy, smooth look to my movements, and a jacked, fucked up look to my pedicure.
Nothing I’m tried so far, except for wearing socks, which is not climb-friendly, has helped: toe undies don’t cover your big toe, ballet shoes don’t allow you to climb, and while Pleasers definitely let you safely drag, they also don’t protect your polish during floor work, so they’re not foolproof. Also ew, heels, too hard. Like if I wanted ankle weights I would wear them, but mostly I need it to be a special occasion to make pole even more uncomfortable on my volition.
So one day, while perusing the nail polish aisle at my local CVS, I got a brilliant flash of a hack. Would it work? Could it work? Would I mind spending 4 hours of my Sunday figuring it out?
You’re goddamn right I would.
This is the result. Ladies and Gentleman, I give you: DECOY BIG TOES.
They look like your big toe, complete with polish, but THEY’RE NOT. They’re corn pads!!!!!
This is the nakedest, most extra way of protecting my toes that I could come up with, and I’m kind of obsessed. Granted, you kind of need them to match your current polish for the illusion to work, but honestly, who even cares about that? We’re being ridiculous here.
Here’s how to make your very own Big Toe Protector Decoy False Toe Corn Pad Thing:
Step 1: Gather your supplies
2 Corn pad toe cap things, nail polish, and loose glitter (to cover the texture of the pad and sell the illusion) are essential. I picked up a cheapy manicure kit that had the glitter as well as detailing brushes that made the process easier, but you might want to use tape to create your “nail” shape if you’re relying on the brush that comes in the bottle of polish. (It’s tough to be precise with those things, and corn pads ain’t cheap).
Step 2: Put on your corn pad and outline your toenail
I recommend using pencil to sketch this out. Use your other big toe for reference! And if you don’t have a fine tip brush, go ahead and tape around your “nail” outline to make sure polish doesn’t wander.
Step 3: Paint your “nail”
Choose a color with lots of contrast, and keep glitter close by on your second coat. Since the fabric of the cord pad will likely be textured and will absorb the paint enough to keep if from looking shiny, glitter helps the color “pop” and covers the texture a bit. You can also use a chunky glitter polish, if that’s easier–but I recommend putting it over a base color first.
Step 4: Seal with a clear coat.
Because we’re civilized people.
Step 5: Impress/freak out your friends in pole class!!!
It’s fun perplexing people.
Did you try this? Did it work for you? I just made the one for self-entertainment purposes, but any day now I’ll whip up another and take them for a spin in a class.
Hope you guys appreciated this because I know there are already people Googling my feet *shudder* so this is probably a perv invitation. Like embossed, with a little return address label, little gold sticker sealing it… the whole bit. Perv invitation. But what can ya do, I can’t keep this nonsense to myself!
Send pics if you try it!!
Oh and PS., if you follow me on IG you totally saw this project months ago (only just now thought to make a blog of it). This is… a pattern with me, so follow me at @thespindiaries for first dibs on nonsense like this. I also post ice skating updates, dance outtakes, and silly life stuff, so come get to know me better!