Dear men: here’s how to ruin a date with a pole dancer.

I’m sure you guys have seen those “ruin a date with an XYZ in 5 words or less” hashtags floating around, and I have SO many thoughts on this, as a pole dancer.

This is a picture of a bitchy-looking christmas tchotchke that says "Noel" but I like how it looks like it says "Noe" kinda like bae. Also, THAT FACE THO.
This is a picture of a bitchy-looking Christmas tchotchke that says “Noel” but I like how it looks like it says “Noe” kinda like bae. Also, THAT FACE THO.

I was able to jot down one or two or five “infivewords” date-ruiners, but, let me expound on them a little, just for shits and giggles.

Boys who want to date pole dancers, listen up:

1. “Have you ever considered stripping?”

Would you ever ask a girl this on a date?

How about a dancer?


2. “Why not wear more clothes?”

God, how many times do I need to explain friction.

Also, this is vaguely slut-shamey and I don’t appreciate being put on the defense about how not a whore I am.

3. “Give me a private show!”

See question 1.

4. “Oh wow, so you strip?”

No, why, do you?

5. “My friend’s a stripper too!”

Can’t speak, just knocked myself unconscious by banging my head on the dinner table.


Actually let’s simplify this–here’s how to avoid offending a pole dancer:

1. Don’t assume she’s a stripper

2. Don’t assume her style is sexy and that she’ll “dance for you”

3. Don’t put her on the defense based on your assumptions


And even better–how to make a pole dancer wildly happy:

1. Ask her friendly, polite questions about dancing that don’t drip with fear and judgement

2. Give her the benefit of the doubt

3. Tell her it looks hard and ask her how a trick you saw once works (WE WILL GEEK OUT SO HARD).

Got something to add?

I especially want to hear it if someone actually said it to you…


  1. This wasn’t a date, but I was once a bit too quick with my defense when telling a (male) friend about poling. I noted that I don’t strip to which he just replied “I never asked if you did” and then went on to comment that it must take a lot of core strength. He won SO many points in that moment.

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