I used to take a class called “Chisel” that was weight training, but like, high intensity, high-rep, agility-based training (was any of that in English or am I wiling out with the hyphens?) We would do squats and lunges combined with other stuff so that our heart rates would stay up, but blessedly, no jumping jacks or bouncing of any kind is involved.
I was ALL ABOUT THIS CLASS until something horrible happened: our instructor peaced out. He was all, “BRB in October,” and we’re all “HAAAAALP, you can’t abandon us during swimsuit season!!”
(Disclaimer: I don’t give a crap about “swimsuit season” and consider a “bikini body” to simply be your body in a two-piece. But, these were the concerns of many of my classmates and I’m trying to reflect that).
So now we have a new instructor. I tried to keep an open mind, but as soon as he said “Set up your equipment in the middle, we’re going to need the perimeter of the room for the warm up,” I made a made dash for the locker room.
Why? To retrieve my second sports bra. And like, MAYBE cry a little. Because I have huge boobs, and it makes me hate the running I knew we were about to do.
And oh god, it wasn’t just running. It was jump squats. Jumping jacks. That football thing where you shuffle really fast but up and down the aerobic step. It. Was. Terrible.
Real talk: I’m a 32DD, and even with my two bras, I came very close to losing an eye.
So when I saw this article I was like DUH, my boobs make literally 80% of all my exercise decisions for me.
That explains why I love bellydance and pole, but not Zumba. Why I was a swimmer in high school and not a runner. Why I have always, always hated trampolines.
Do your boobs call the athletic shots for you? Am I the only one in the world who has to layer sports bras?