I’ve been working out 5 days a week for a few months now, and the night of this show, I remember feeling really good, totally comfortable in my costume, but a little worried that my makeup was too heavy. During the actual dance I felt connected to the music, fierce and emotive in my facial expressions, and 100% in the moment. Muscle memory is a wonderful thing.
And then I was tagged in photos from the show and I just see BLECHHHHHHH. Why am I barefaced?! Dead in the eyes? And don’t even get me started on body stuff. I’m actually self-conscious now that my arms are too… big. Not even flabby or anything, just, large. Over-sized. Not delicate.
Am I fucked in the head? Because it’s super annoying to spend so much time busting your ass learning choreo, training to stay in shape, and primping for a show only to dread photo-evidence of it forever afterward.
Should I get ribs removed and arm liposuction? Should I just stop performing?
Body paranoia aside, I’m pretty damn excited that we got to do a $40-a-ticket show in New York City on a REAL STAGE with REAL LIGHTING. I’ll try to be less of a brat here, because wow, what an opportunity. And I’m so proud of our group!! We really did rally and do a great show, despite last minute choreo and blocking changes. #pros 😉
In terms of pole, though, I can’t imagine doing this someday alone, in a smaller costume, and with literally much higher stakes (if you screw up you FALL, ahhhh). Even without the body stuff (EEK, really, in a bikini?!!) the pole adds so many new variables to things that can go wrong. The hand sweat alone… I can’t even.
Ladies who have done shows, are you prone to photo-induced mini breakdowns? How did you get over it? Do you ever have those feelings right before a show that your choreo is boring and no one should watch it? (I have this thought before EVERY show. Not helpful, brain).