Oh right, my ballet thing totes failed.

me and rachel lava neon
So I MIGHT be doing a little more socializing than poling right now.

Remember when I was all excited about doing ballet as cross training for pole?

Yeah, I f***ed that up.

But, I have my reasons. A lot has changed.

First, both of my parents got sick–my mom in January, and my dad in March. The Saturdays my ballet classes were scheduled for were spent running home. Or catching up on 3 weeks worth of chores when I stayed here.

Then, our bellydance troupe got a “Come to Jesus Talk” re: our lack of dedication. The solution, our troupe leader decided, was to divide the group into “serious” dancers and “just for fun” dancers. This sounds mean, but honestly, it was kind of the only solution since half of us were religiously rehearsing and the other half were constantly missing practice and in the dark about choreo changes, etc.

Since I can’t stand being second best at anything, I immediately set my sights on landing a spot on “Troupe A.” But M (our troupe leader) hasn’t made the decision just yet. So that means an extended period of really kicking ass in practice and at the two shows we just had (and have tomorrow) has been top priority.

Another change: I got a gym membership about a month ago! The new company I work for is at Chelsea Piers, which has the greatest gym in the city, and we get a discount. So, come on, I could only watch my coworkers leave at 12 to go take a class or run or swim so many times before I caved and got one too. #YOLO.

Okay, I’m going to be honest–taking classes at this gym has made me realize something. Setting aside all my reasons and excuses for not getting my ass to a ballet class, I think there’s some psychological resistance behind it: I’m burnt out on “not good enough.”

As attracted as my type-A self is to discipline and perfection, I think constantly being critiqued in the insane number of dance classes I’ve been taking has been getting to me. (God, I really, really hate admitting that).

It’s hard to be working, genuinely working, and seeing in the mirror that the effort is just not showing because some secondary issue like toe point or flexibility. It’s all part of dance, and critique is part of improving, but, I think I needed a break from all the pick pick picking.

Which brings me to the classes I’ve been taking at Chelsea Piers, which I LOVE. I’m not normally an “exercise class” gal. I mean, if it doesn’t look pretty, I’m usually not interested in getting my body to do it. But for some reason, it’s really clicking with me right now. I go in and shut my brain off, and WORK. It doesn’t matter how it looks (though of course, form is important, duh). And if the instructor sees my WORK, he is happy. Case closed. My best is always enough. And then I take the highest-water pressure shower of my life and go back to work exhausted and happy.

This week alone I did 2 abs classes and a “Chisel” class, which is weight training, but so fast-paced that you sweat like it’s cardio. So I haven’t exactly been sitting on my ass… but come 6pm, I have been a little too wiped out to even think about ballet (which only offers classes during the week on ONE DAY. wtf, ballet?). Also, I keep forgetting to bring 2 sets of workout clothes, so there’s that.

The good news is, I think I AM improving my extensions and flexibility. It just hasn’t been from ballet. My Groupon expired, but I should still be able to put my tail between my legs and get the “paid for” value in classes when I can. Hopefully that will be soon. But I’m not gonna push myself.

Meanwhile, like a lot of bloggers its seems, I’ve also been slacking on pole a little. I’ve been feeling a little bored with it. I think I hit that plateau that Leen Isabel talks about–I hit a strength wall and was just not progressing. So maybe a little active away time will do me some good (and I do mean ACTIVE–my jeans don’t fit because my thighs are bulking up. Thanks, squats!)

I’m hoping maybe taking another week to just workout-workout and not worry about dance stuff, aside from Fire Blossoms, will prep me for more advanced pole stuff when I’m jazzed to go again. And I think I will be. Just, not right now. And that’s okay!

What have you guys been up to? I’m sensing a little Spring Fever from everybody… <3


  1. Oh, so jealous. I love conditioning. I have been in the awkward place of not training at all (pole or otherwise) for months. My toe is still busted. Going for a second doctor appointment in a week. Anyways, as long as your moving, that’s awesome!

    • Awww 🙁 it sucks when a small body part wrecks your training. I remember getting toe cramps on the swim team that totally benched me–foot stuff is no joke. I hope it gets better soon!!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.