I’ve been thinking about the topic of basic-ness in recent days, and the answer (for me) lies in this brilliant T-shirt.
It all started with this poignant video.
And then read I this article defending Basic Bitches. (My opinion: Britney has always secretly been R.A.F.)
Now, for the sake of the community, I have decided to put together a list of Basic Pole Bitch Criteria. It is by no means exhaustive though, so if you have any addendum, please drop it in comments!
Also, if you are unfamiliar with basicness, it as defined (by Urban Dictionary, natch) as the following:
1. Your favorite polers are Jenyne Butterfly, Felix Cane, and Alethea Austin
Okay so these women are all obviously incredible, but being “basic” is not about having bad taste–it’s about being generic and predictable. Like saying your favorite band is the Beatles, name dropping a poler that non-polers could possibly have heard of is super basic basic. I KNOW I’M SORRY, I DON’T MAKE THE RULES.
2. You’ve danced to Portishead
Wait, wait, don’t tell me–you just want to be a woman.
Girl please, you are a bitch, of the basic persuasion, CASE CLOSED. (Also I am guilty of this).
3. You don’t really dance so much as wrench yourself into poses for the picture
If your sole purpose for poling is the Instagram shot… you know what it is. BASIC. Note: I would be basic as fuck in the this category if I could do anything worth Instagramming.
4. Your booty shorts came from Forever 21
Actually, no, no, my best girl Julie just informed me that using something cheap and totally passable is not “basic” but in fact classified as the aforementioned “Ratchet Tactic,” which is A-OK. Cheap booty shorts fo-eva!
So what’s your status? Basic Pole Bitch? Bad Pole Bitch? Ratchet Tactic Usin’ Beyotch?