I survived!

Honestly, I don’t know what I was thinking.

I must have forgotten that this is New York City, and that a pole audition would mean some of the best polers on the planet.

This occurred to me (how serious the competition would be) on the subway this morning, and got so nervous on the way to my audition that I had to jump off the train a stop early and nervous-pee at JC Penney.

I wish I could I could tell you my fears were unfounded, but, they weren’t. I walked in the room and there was a girl doing a center split and another chick on the pole in an elbow-hold Ayesha. It took all my willpower not to bow my head, grab my bag, and slip right back outta there.

But I, took a few deep breaths, resigned myself to possible humiliation, and stayed. While we were warming up before the free dance, the other girls hopped on the pole and did tricks that are way, way beyond my reach. But–and here’s the advantage to being second to last in line–I noticed that as the other girls began freedancing, the ones with the best  tricks were the least proficient in flow.

And, you guys, flow is my jam. THIS IS HOW I CAN DISTINGUISH MYSELF, I thought.

So, when it was my turn, I did what I knew, and what I knew I could rock. I avoided a few flashy tricks that I’d just learned because I knew nerves and a lack of muscle memory (plus some seriously dry air and a cold pole) would thwart me. I listened to the music, tossed my hair and threw myself into my spins (which the other girls were skipping in lieu of poses). I got so into it that it caught me by surprise when the song was over. And then I heard some lovely words: “Very nice fluidity!”

I didn’t quite match up with the best of the best, trick-wise, but I think I stood out in my own way. 

No officially word yet on whether I got “it” (more on what “it” is later), but, I feel pretty good about holding myself together in the face of some serious intimidation. 

I think my takeaway is, don’t let what other people can do make you feel less-than. We all have something special to offer. 

And it also brings me back to my answer to one of the interview questions today, on why I love pole: it’s because, no matter what level you’re at, you can make what you’re doing look BEAUTIFUL. If all you’re doing is walking, it’s entirely possible to do it fabulously. And you fucking SHOULD. Life is too short, mang.

Anyway, cross your fingers form me and take a chance this week, in my honor. I BELIEVE IN YOU.

Happy, beautiful twirls,



  1. THIS. Dude, yes. I don’t have any trickster in me at all so I pour my heart out in my flow and it is always noted. I’m SO glad you did what you did! Can’t wait to hear what it is no matter how it turns out. Proud of you.

  2. i took a chance tonight, just for you, and ended up meeting my pole hero who was the whole reason i started pole in the first place, the woman inspired me to change my life and i got to have a chat with her before my first flex class at a studio I don’t usually go to =] starstruckkkk

    Well done on sticking around and doing your thang girl! keep us all posted! (also spill the beans on what it is lol) Good luck!!

      • Her name is Tiffany Finney-McRory, She runs a pole studio near the studio I go to and Poles at club noir (which is a huge burlesque club night that happens a few times a year). She is absolutely amazing and she was the first pole dancer I ever saw and thought… good lord I want to do what she is doing!
        She inspired me to try which changed my life so meeting her in person was a huge deal for me =]
        I bruise like a peach and I dont know what i was doing (because no one in my class seems to have a name for it but it was brutal lol)

        how are you doing chica? how is your mamabear? xx

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