Side TOTALLY matters when it comes to splits.

So I was at the gym the other night, doing what I always do when I’m “working out”: 60% actually working out, 40% checking out a cute guy.

Now, you guys, this guy is INTO me. I can tell, because every time I pass him I’m all, “Hey,” and he’s all, “…” (he doesn’t say anything because he already passed me).


So I did what I always do when I’m trying to get a guy to look at me in the gym: SPLITS.

Okay now, I’m not really sure what sort of message I’m trying to send by doing splits. But they’re definitely attention-getting. I suppose they say something along the lines of, “HEY, IF WE HAD INTERCOURSE IT WOULD LOOK CRAAAAZY.”

Maybe not the classiest message, but, it gets people to look at you! Which is half the battle in this crazy world of smartphones in the gym.

So anyway, I was working my left side. It was a little sticky, but finally I got it going. Looking gooooood.

Like THIS (not the flattest or most squared off I’ve gotten, but not bad considering I was stiff from class!):

Close, three-quarters of a cigar!

Except that the guy was not looking. So, after spending like 15 minutes in that horribly uncomfortable position, I begrudgingly switched to my right side. Because got to at least pretend to keep it even, right?

Of course, this is when he comes in to stretch as well. And I’m all, LOL just kidding not flexible at all.

Damn it legs, you had ONE JOB.

For reference, this is what my right side split looks like. Yes, that’s me squealing in pain.



(Just kidding, not sexy at all).

If you were wondering how my seduction attempt played out, the guy did like, one downward facing dog and left. I know, so in love with me, right?!

So seriously, what is up with the split unevenness?

From studying the picture I’m going to go ahead and say my right ham is tight. And also, my left quad is tight.

So basically: left ham and right quad good. Right quad and left ham: shitty. For no apparent reason. Can someone explain this to me?

But let’s get technical, fill me in: how do you guys get into splits, and how do you um… warm into them? (I made that expression up, sorry).

I’ve been working on sliding into it from both legs equally (as opposed to straightening my front leg and pushing back from there, because that’s bad, right?). Hence, the socks for slidin’ around.

I was also trying TGWHR’s trick to push AGAINST the floor as hard as you can for several seconds between sets of pushing into the split and it really works! No BS! I’m also a fan of grabbing the back foot while lunging (pre splits or in between) to stretch out a sticky quad, which really helped. To be honest, this is sort of the best my right side split has ever looked, pitiful as that is, and I think it’s because of the extra quad work.

What’s your good side?

Also, center splits–we all agree, no fucking way, right?

Here’s my best attempt:

The best part of this picture is that I could not be wearing shorts and NO ONE WOULD KNOW.

If someone pushes on my back I’m almost belly to floor, though! Progress!

So where are you guys with splits? Got a good side? Piiiiics if you have them please.

Happy twirls (and splits, and resting with ice packs on your hams),



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