Seriously you guys, what in the world.
As we all know, WordPress is super high-tech, and likes to tell me how people are finding my blog, mostly via Google, and very rarely from other things. (PS. you guys are using ask.com sometimes, which blows my mind).
Anyway, the key words that bring you lovelies here are USUALLY normal stuff like “pole dancing” or “tips for pole dancing.” But other, more amusing times, they are super weird phrases such as “how does strippers vaginas smell like candy.”
I wish I were making that up.
Anyway, another couple of months, another few hundred TOTALLY WEIRD search terms, so let’s do this.
BIZARRE SEARCH TERMS, June-August 2013:
-“how to make a spinning dance pole” Uhhh… purchase one. Do not do anything else. Just, buy one that spins and don’t hurt yourself. Okay? Okay.
-“why are stripper shoes so expensive” GOOD FREAKING QUESTION. That was 60 dollars I could have spent on Chipotle.
-“pineapple pole dancing” Heh. I know y’all were looking for the Rick Ross song, but I definitely pictured a pineapple working the pole, like, sensuously removing its coconut bra…
-“somebody get that girl a pole” WORD. And compliment accepted.
-“sexy rnb songs that make you dance” One word: bandzzzzzzz.
-“improvisation unbroken eye contact” That sounds… upsetting. Maybe don’t do that. Three instances of eye contact per song is plenty, in my opinion.
-“dance oils” Nooooooooooooooooooo, staaaaaaaaaaaaaahp. Think of the dancers that have to use the pole after you, you selfish, oily bastard!
-“pole dancing to song i don’t want to miss a thing” We’re talking bout the Armageddon song, right? If so, making this face… 😐 (click it, you know you want to).
-“playliste slow sensual dance” I like this one because it made me read it in a French accent.
-“im dating a pole dancer” Yay, good for you! Wait, is this my ex?
-“omarion’s cars 2013” Lol wut.
-“”your butt out”” The perplexing thing here is that this already came packaged in the quotation marks. Do I yell at people to stick their butts out so often that they are finding my blog this way?!!
-“what is the sexiesy pole dancing move that uses your ass” This just… I am chuckling. I honestly don’t know. You might want to use YouTube for that, not my specialty.
-“pole i have to spot a big girl” Oh man. In all seriousness, you should probably spot people about your size, or get a buddy to help on the other side. Just for everybody’s safety. Also, big girls poling, holla!
-“what do guys think of pole dancers” Good question. Gentlemen?
-“will upside down splits tone my inner thigh” Girl, if you can manage to do a split upside down on a pole, I think the tone of your inner thigh is the last thing people will be looking at. Also, fuck yes, your inner thighs will be toned. But this seems like a chicken-egg situation.
-“cathy vandewater pole dancer email address” Aaaaaand, looking over my shoulder. right. now.
(But for real, you guys can get a hold of me with this thinga-ma-goo, and I promise to write you back!)
That’s all for now. Thanks as always for reading, for searching, and for being weird as hell!!! I LOVE IT.