Embracing The Suck

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.

Excellent.

Now that that’s out of my system.

Can I just say, one of the reasons I like working all the time is that there’s zero time for wallowing. Whether I’m teaching, at the office, or at the gym, being pleasant, approachable, and authoritative is just part of the job. So is hair and makeup, and dress. 

I usually just push through my days when I’m tired, or sick, or sad, but right now, I’m dealing with all three. Simultaneously.

Working 2-3 different jobs in a single day can make anybody a little dizzy, but combine that with a bummer on the love life front and the flu, and yeah, I’m done.

I was trying to compensate with a little time off, and a lot of time drinking and cry-laughing with my best friend (literally: I walked in his door already crying and holding a bottle of wine, and we both cracked up when I couldn’t find an opener), and a lot less time by myself, but, I’m not fighting it anymore.

I was trying to pole yesterday and everything hurt. I wasn’t sticking, all my strength felt… gone… and honestly, it wasn’t any fun. Which shook me up a little. Pole is ALWAYS fun, even if it takes a few minutes to get into the zone.

I was supposed to go to a thing last night, but instead, I did something I’ve been afraid to do for about a week now: I stayed home. Alone. I took off my makeup (first 24 hours without any make up for… jesus, months, at least). I napped. I listened to music and washed my dishes, and tidied my medicine cabinet. I went to bed at 11pm, by myself. 

It sucked a little. But, not as badly as I thought it would.

When I’m ready, I’ll start poling again. I’ll go out. I’ll meet new people.

But right now, I’m really bummed out, you guys. I’m tired, and disappointed, and I’m not sure what I want to do next yet. And I’m going to fully face that instead of “powering through. And when I’m damn good and ready to put on a brave, made up face and get out there again, I will. And it will be as awesome as this is awful. Which, by all accounts, should be really, really fucking awesome.

Happy, suckless twirls, everybody!

<3<3<3

Cathy

6 Comments

  1. I’m sorry everything is so sucky right now. I am VERY proud of you for spending some time alone and I’m so glad that it turned out to not be as bad as you expected.

  2. I think taking a break is sometimes really, really necessary. And it’s always time to take a break when pole isn’t fun- that’s definitely a sign things aren’t in balance. I hope you get out of your funk soon!

  3. Sometimes the suck happens and it sucks, but it gets better! I work multiple jobs in one day. It’s hard, but time on my couch with a glass of Taylor Port is all I need to unwind:)

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