On Being Your Own Worst Critic

So I was having a beer with a friend the other night.

After the show! (Re: sweaty, and I took my false eyelashes off :P)
After the show! (Re: sweaty, and I took my false eyelashes off)

Okay a couple of beers.

Okay, four.

But, he has a smartphone (like everybody else in the world, but to me that’s like having Google Glasses), and since he missed the February belly dance show in St. Mark’s Place, we looked up the video.

So, full disclosure, I had not watched the video.

This is not an accident.

I am terrified of this video. K has seen it and had a few mild criticisms (timing was off in a few places, hands didn’t match, she’s very contained in her style and I’m very showy). But every time I think of the show, I think of something the girl going on after us said backstage, as soon as we came off.

“Oh heeeey… that was really…. cute. How long have you been dancing for?”

If you speak dance you know that the translation back into normal English looks something like this:

“Oh heeeey… you guys are total amateurs. When did you take your first class? A week ago or just a few days? Now outta my way bitches, the show’s really about to be on.”

Okay, I’m exaggerating, but that’s how it feels when you’re already nervous to be half naked, you KNOW you blanked out on at least 4-5 seconds of choreo, and you’re having a fat day.

No bueno.

Anyway, I finally watched the video, and I saw some things that weren’t perfect, but I also saw a big smile on my friend’s face.

He liked it.

And you know what? I liked it too. It was cute, damn it.

The best part was, K and I looked like we were having fun. Somebody in the audience kept screaming “ME LIKEY” and I couldn’t help cracking up, which is so awesome and totally visible in the video. I think that’s what I’m going to remember most about this experience: being terrified under blinding lights, feeling nervous and shaky as hell, and then suddenly letting go and laughing at “ME LIKEY.” Because IT IS FUN TO DANCE. Go figure… through all the sweat and anxiety,long hours of practicing and criticizing and agonizing, it all becomes fun again when you share it with people.

Anyway, here’s just a short clip because this isn’t a pole show, but, it is performance oriented, and I learned a lot about enjoying dancing, regardless of perfection. (It’s surprisingly hard to remember sometimes that we do this because it’s fun, amirite??)



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