Loving Pole in an Inappropriate Way.

Mkay, so I’m boyfriendless.

I am okay with this, mainly because I don’t have to deal with any

And who could have known… I was already straddling my dream date.

rollercoaster emotional stuff, but also because, without all the “quality time” nonsense, I can take good care of myself–cook well rounded meals, paint my toenails regularly, get 7.5 hours of sleep, yada yada yada. I realize this makes me sound old, but with 3 jobs and a 1-1.5 hour commute, making myself a salad before I collapse is kind of a big deal. So I’m enjoying it.

Besides, boys are fun, but if you see the relationship through its natural trajectory, it becomes horrible and exhausting. Like, you take an adorable puppy home, but then it gets big and pees on stuff and bites your friends.

I mean, don’t get me wrong, this is probably going to be like every time I have a bad hangover and decide to not drink a certain kind of liquor again. I love boys. I’ll get back out there. I’ll fall madly in love and get my heart broken, and then write another post like this in 6 months.

(Just like every time I forget about the dry heaving and think it’s a good idea again to shoot whiskey on an empty stomach again).

BUT FOR NOW: I’m in a new kind of committed relationship, and his name is Pole.

Why Pole Is Better Than Any Boyfriend I’ve Ever Had:

1. He’s always hard


2. He’s supportive

Seriously, I can swing circles around him.

3. He ALWAYS wants to dance with me

…and he never does the white man’s overbite. Better yet…

4. He always lets me have the spotlight

Pole, u so secure.

5. He lifts me up and makes me stronger

How many men (ahem, boys) can you say this about?

6. …But when it hurts, it’s not for no reason

Gotta bruise a little, there’s no getting around it. But boy is that gorgeous new pose worth it!

7. He doesn’t get jealous

Not even when I flirt with chair πŸ˜‰

8. He doesn’t get mad if I flirt with him and then decide to go to sleep instead

Sometimes you just do a few pirouettes and decide you’re too tired for anything serious, ya know?

9. He’s always there for me

When I can’t sleep, when I’m bored on a Saturday afternoon, when I want to show off in a picture, when I want to scare my mom… the list is endless.

10. We look great together

Seriously. Cute couple alert.

Anyway, Happy Twirls!!!Β And fuck Valentine’s day. Right? Right.



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